Entry #1 (The Nordic Goddess Lives), 8/24/96

I admit it, when I landed in Amsterdam, I expected the aroma of marijuana to be wafting through the streets, and the women to all be blonde, beautiful and seven-feet tall. However, when I arrived in the city, I found out otherwise. The women were actually only about six-foot-eight. Nevertheless, with my jet black hair and drawn New York appearance, Otto Luck feels distinctly conspicuous walking among the Nordic inhabitants of this Dutch metropolis.

Let me say straight-off, Amsterdam is a gorgeous city: clean, quaint and decidedly friendly. Small gabled buildings line zillions of little streets, side by side with endless rows of small shops selling tiny cups of koffie. Everything's small (except the women who, as mentioned, average around six-foot eight.)

There is, however, a notorious problem with pickpockets: nearly every conversation with the local populace seems to touch upon the subject. Furthermore, the Dutch have not yet embraced the pooper-scooper ethic as we New Yorkers have and, consequently, Mrs. Luck stepped in a big patch of dogshit during her very first walk through the city.

Entry #2 (Getting Down to Business), 8/26/96

Okay, okay, I know, I'm on the fourth paragraph already and I haven't even mentioned the Red Light District. Fear not, it was the first place I went. If you've ever heard that the Dutch working girls stand in the doorways and windows damn-near naked to advertise their trade, I'll confirm it now. I'll also add this: they're healthier and better fed than New York prostitutes.

You're probably also wondering if Otto Luck visited one of the local "coffeehouses" (read: smoke-houses). He did. The Dutch herb is legal and therefore higher quality stuff than the contraband distributed in the U.S. It's smoother on the throat, lighter on the head, easier on the constitution in general.

At this point, I must say this: If anyone comes over here for any of the aforementioned items, that's fine, but it's the people here that are the main attraction. They're the friendliest human beings on earth. I went to de Dam plaza today. The Dutch are so mellow they let their pigeons crawl all over them, their shoulders, their heads, everywhere. I did not participate for reasons that may be obvious: the pigeons crap as freely and plentifully as they do back home. I know, I saw one fellow get a head-full of the stuff.

Entry #3 (A Little Bit About Music Too), 8/28/96

While at de Dam, I had the chance to catch a couple of local acts who were performing at an open-air concert. The standout was Saskia, a statuesque blonde who's pretty much a Nordic goddess herself. Clad in tight blue leather pants, wires and direct box dangling from her hips, she blew the meanest trumpet this side of the Amstel River. Saskia led her backup band, the Laroo Colour, through a forceful set of music that contained elements of rock, jazz and rap, and moved with a fiery confidence that clearly lit up the crowd.

Ro and the Paradise Funk followed Saskia. Unfortunately, the band -- which could best be described as pop-rock with a heavy dose of funk -- only drove me to continue my exploration of the great city of Amsterdam.

I might mention here that I had originally referred to de Dam as a park during a conversation I had with my Dutch host at Vossius Straat 26. "It's not a park," she quickly corrected, "unless it has grass." Here, I explained that in New York we call anything a park that doesn't have rats running through the garbage cans. I'm not sure she understood although she did nod politely.

Entry #4 (Some Local Cheese), 9/1/96

Being the thrill-seeking ex-patriots we are, we decided to spend a couple of days in the Dutch countryside. So we hopped in our Citroen AX and traversed a string of small towns, among them Den Haag, Haarlem, Rotterdam and Gouda, where, yes, we did stop to eat some local cheese.

Each town has its own special qualities. Den Haag -- a coastal town where blustery winds take your hat off, if not your head -- likes its rock & roll, the North Sea Punk Festival comes to town on September 7th. Haarlem is ancient, alluring and beautiful. Rotterdam is cosmopolitan chic, having had most of its older buildings leveled by the Nazis some 50 years ago.

Tomorrow, it's back to Amsterdam, which I admittedly prefer. (I was, after all, born and raised in NYC.) The following day it's the plane home. At this point, all I can say is do yourself a favor and put Amsterdam and the outlying communities on your list of places to visit. It's a friendly, beautiful and exciting land. What more can one ask for.

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