July 17, 2000 – Selecting a vice president is akin to ordering a houseful of china for your wedding. You do it because that's what people expect you to do, but once you've got it, you just jam it in a drawer and forget about it for four years.

But during this phenomenally dull news period, with no fiery celebrity deaths, riveting sports events or stock market disasters to hold our interest, the American public can either enjoy this process or sit around and wait for the new season of "ER."

So with four months remaining until the general election, Democrat Al Gore – who invented the drawer – and Republican George W. Bush – who was mortified to open a sock drawer one day and find Dan Quayle napping – are mulling over possible candidates for their own running mates.

Actually, that's not entirely true. The candidates' puppeteers are auditioning those potential running mates – hopefully by jamming them in a drawer – while the candidates themselves continue insulting each other. But you get the drift.

Speculating on the potential vice presidents is a favorite pastime of politicos, journalists and people who spend an inordinate amount of their free time in drawers. While I'm not a politico and I haven't been in a drawer since my college days, I'm enough of a journalist (definition: one who is expected to fill space) to render my own odds for the big selection.

Top candidates on the Republican side include:

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge
Pros: Graduate of Harvard on scholarship and winner of Bronze Star for Valor in Vietnam – rather unassailable character credentials.
Cons: Looks kinda like Howdy Doody.
Odds: 2-1

Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson
Pros: Tennessee connection would tweak Gore; acted in guy-friendly films Die Hard 2 and The Hunt for Red October.
Cons: Single guy who looks like Kelsey Grammer after a three-day bender – not exactly a conservative image.
Odds: 6-1.

Walker, Texas Ranger
Pros: Home state affiliation to president increases odds for Chuck Norris character; peace talks go much faster under threat of roundhouse kicks.
Cons: He's a fictional character – but then, so was Quayle.
Odds: 25-1.

Teen singing sensation Britney Spears
Pros: What better way to inspire young male voters to the cause?
Cons: Four more years? Just when she was about ready to go away?
Odds: 100-1.

"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling
Pros: GOP bigwigs love the idea of "George W. Bush and the Goblet of
Fire" as a campaign slogan.
Cons: She's Scottish.
Odds: 500-1

Golf instructor Jack Flick
Pros: A "Bush-Flick" ticket? Are you kidding?
Cons: Are you kidding?
Odds: 2,500-1.

On the left-wing side, meanwhile, Gore knows what it takes to fit into that drawer, having been the nation's vice president for the last eight years.

No, really. He was. Honest. That said, the top candidates to replace him as the country's most famous No. 2 are:

New Jersey Sen. Bill Bradley
Pros: Experienced and well-liked politician with great jump shot; also was funny in those ESPN "SportsCenter" ads.
Cons: Al Gore kicked his fanny from coast to coast; at 6-foot-5, too large to fit in conventional drawer.
Odds: 2-1

Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh
Pros: A Hoosier VP who can spell makes the state look much better; good looks might get him some magazine covers.
Cons: No one would be able to tell Tipper Gore and Susan Bayh apart.
Odds: 6-1

Track star Marion Jones
Pros: Gives new meaning to term "running mate"; is already more famous than most vice presidents.
Cons: If she joins Al in the White House, we'll all have to stitch the Nike swoosh to our chests.
Odds: 50-1.

Cyclops from "X-Men"
Pros: Honesty and leadership are his best qualities, along with ability to deliver fiery optic blasts at dogged White House journalists.
Cons: He's a fictional character – but then, so is Gore.
Odds: 75-1

Golf instructor Jack Flick
Pros: There's also something really cool about the idea of a "Gore-Flick" ticket.
Cons: Um, that was the only Democrat joke I had. Sorry.
Odds: 2,500-1.