© 2005 Dr. Dot, NY Rock Dr. Dot (a nickname given by Frank Zappa in 1988) has tended to the musical elite for nearly two decades. She describes herself as a "rock chick" who, as a teenager, wanted to meet her musical heroes without trading sexual favors. Instead, Dr. Dot offered massages, which she had been perfecting since she was five years old. Clients have included Sting, Eminem, the Rolling Stones, Sheryl Crow, Robert Plant, Kiss, Aerosmith, Blondie, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Vin Diesel, R. Kelly and Bruce Willis. She recently completed her first American book, "Butt-Naked and Backstage: Diary of the World's Greatest Rock and Roll Masseuse." Submit a question to Dr. Dot

Dear Robin,
First of all, telling you that his ex was somehow better at pleasing him then you are is ignorant. Sounds like he is trying to manipulate you into playing with his ass. You should pleasure him how you want to and when you want to, not to prove you are as good as his ex. If she was so good, why doesn't he go back to her? Tell him, "My ex used to make me cum by licking my pussy for 45 minutes straight." See if that works to your advantage.

Moving right along, some say the female G-Spot and the male prostate are made of the similar tissue. Hence, the prostate is often called "The Male G-Spot." This might stretch the analogy a bit, as the female G-Spot is in-and-up behind the pubic bone and it swells as the woman gets excited. The male prostate is deeper, up near the neck of the bladder. In fact, it is the button that decides if the man is going to shoot his load or pee. Men can't cum and go at the same time.

I suggest that you suck his cock while fingering his ass with your pointer finger, as long as you have no long sharp finger nail on it and it is well lubricated. The combo of you sucking on him and fingering him should do the trick. Just as it would be next to impossible to make a girl cum without touching her clit (as in, just messing with her G-spot and nothing else -- which by the way makes most girls have the feeling they have to pee) it would be next to impossible to make a guy cum with JUST a finger in his ass and NO penis stimulation. Next time he says, "Well, my ex could do it, why can't you?" send him back to his "ex/ass expert." No one needs that comparison crap.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Nate,
It is obvious to me why you choose hookers. Your woman made you feel small, which is the worst thing for a Leo to go through. So paying for sex makes you feel big. The big powerful spender who calls the shots. I totally believe men can fuck hookers without it disturbing their love for another woman, but telling her there was "no feelings involved" was the mistake. What about her feelings? Simply tell her, "You made me feel weak and small; paying for sex made me feel strong and big again. I chose a hooker instead of another woman, as I don't want to start another love. I love you, I just fucked them. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, treat me like a capable, strong man, and I won't need any confirmation from another woman." Also, working and living together will destroy most love relationships. I strongly advise to change that if possible to save your marriage.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dan,
You know, it seems to me you men are never fucking happy. You moan about your women being boring, then they are too exciting. Steady, predictable behavior is tedious, yet wild passion makes you nervous. Make up your mind what suits you and stay with it. Don't try to change anyone. You met her at a strip club, what the hell did you think would happen? She would suddenly give up her job for you? Would you give up your job for a girl? At all cost, avoid going to her work. (Does she come to your job and watch you work? I think not.) Don't even mention her work. Your apathetic approach will make her interested in you even more, as I am sure 99 percent of the men she has dated all freak out at her profession. So be different. No need to explain the sudden change. Just get busy and mind your own business. If you can't stand the heat, stay the hell out of the kitchen.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Fran,
It's like a full-time job coming up with new ideas on how to entertain the boyfriend, but oh so fun. They go to strip clubs because these girls play. They love to play. Next time you know he is coming over/home and you have the place to yourselves, get a mirror, prop it up against a wall. When he comes in, tell him to sit in a stool near the mirror with his pants off. Once you are naked, kneel on down and blow him like he has never been blown before, while he watches your pussy in the mirror. (Make sure the lighting is nice and he has a great view.) If you want to get creative, you can insert your fingers inside yourself or your favorite dildo. All so he can watch while you suck on him. This will make him melt. Men love mirrors and new ideas. Get busy and creative. It all leads to fun, which he should be getting at home, not in clubs.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Mike,
Believe it or not, your letter is a standard letter, sadly. I get tons of these from frustrated husbands, who are starved for sex and only get the occasional "60-second spoon fuck" to shut them up. People seldom say things they don't mean, at least a little. She told you the answer, "go fuck other women." Just be super discreet about it. Finding out would hurt her. That's why she said, "I didn't really mean that."

I am sure I will get a fair amount of hate mail from the ladies after this, but you have no choice really but to shag around. (Think of it as just exercising with other women. Taking Ecstasy is not the answer; drugs never are. I am sure everyone is aware of the fact that most men cheat; it's in their nature. Nothing anyone can do about it. Everyone has their own definition of cheating. Being true to the heart but cheating physically seems to be the most harmless definition. You've tried everything; it's either have a lover or divorce. If you divorce, chances are, sooner or later, your new lover may grow tired of screwing you as well, so why not have the best of both worlds? Try your hardest at not getting caught. Never give out your phone number or address and be up front about it to your lover. "This is just fun and I mean that." Avoid needy, clingy single women (think Fatal Attraction).

Life is too short to miss out on sex. Most importantly, one must be true to themselves and if you are a horn dog, then be one and be proud about it. Just be clever and try not to hurt anyone.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Sean,
85 percent of the men are uncut, just as nature intended. Long ago, somewhere in the USA, someone thought boys are too lazy to push back the skin on their cock to clean it, so it's best to save them the trouble and just cut it off at birth. I am sure this hurts beyond belief and can't believe people are still ignorant enough to do that to their new born baby boy. Would your girlfriend make her tits bigger/smaller if you asked her to? I doubt it. Changing for anyone is always a bad idea, unless it means quitting a bad habit like smoking or drinking too much. Altering one's body for another is ludicrous. Tell her "as is" and if she doesn't like it, she can find one of the 15 percent of cut men for her date. On a personal note, I prefer men uncut, in their natural state, the full Monty.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Sandy,
When you feel him about to shoot his load, aim it towards the side of your mouth and save it like a Gerbil saves his nuts and take tiny sips; just swallow a tiny bit at a time. Trying to swallow it all at once would make most people gag. Try not to have it aim towards the back of your throat, that is asking for trouble. If he asks why is it taking you so long to swallow, tell him you are savoring it, like a fine wine.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Pamela,
What will be, will be. As old fashioned as it sounds, it still holds true: sleeping with a guy on the first date will discredit you a bit. Thing is, the longer you make him wait, the more he'll trust you. If he has to wait months to get you into bed, he will trust that when you go out on the town with your friends, nothing naughty will happen. If you shagged on the first date, he may be thinking (even if it is subconsciously) that you could do the same when he isn't around. In other words, if it was easy for him to fuck you, it could be easy for other guys too. Try not drinking around him for the next few dates and show him that the alcohol was partly to blame for your "easy" behavior. If the guy is into you, he will keep after you. If he isn't you will know about it. Let him lead the way. Don't try to make things better by chasing him or showing extra amounts of attention/love, or worst of all, apologizing, just "BE."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Marla,
There is no "Mr. Right." There is only "Mr. Right Now." Women tend to go for the one with the safe nest, which is similar to picking out the strongest mate in the wild. But we are no longer in the wild and can fend for ourselves. Just as men gravitate towards young ample-breasted ladies to mate with, women go for the secure man to mate with. However, if he bores you and can't satisfy you in bed, you will be unhappy and could end up cheating on him. Follow your heart and if there isn't enough cash to go around, it will just motivate you to work harder and there is nothing wrong with that. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship, no matter how good the benefits are. Take the one who makes you happy right now, as the present is all we really have.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dana,
There is nothing you can do, or should do, except continue being his friend. Trying to "get" a man or make him yours is, in my opinion, stupid. Notice how sperm pursue the egg? They go to the egg, they hunt the egg. The egg doesn't fucking chase the sperm. Keep that in mind when in doubt. Just let him know you adore him and are there for him when he needs to talk. Meanwhile, let other men take you out. This is good practice and who knows, you may even fall in love.

When your friend finds out you are dating, it may trigger off something in him that makes him think, "I better move my ass or I will lose my chance with her." There is the chance he doesn't feel that way about you, and since you said you have been just friends for years, I think waiting for him may be a mistake. If he can't live without you, nothing will stop him from trying to win you over. The fact that "she treats him like shit" and he still stays with her shows he likes a challenge. Perhaps you weren't a challenge for him. I am not saying "treat him like shit" I am simply thinking you should get busy and that will make you more of a challenge.

It could also be that he likes to be treated like shit, as some folks do. Some feel strange when a person is too kind to them. Maybe they feel they don't deserve such good treatment, but that's a whole other story. That's the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" theory -- but who the hell has time for the games?
- Dr. Dot

Dear JonesZ,
Most girls slim down once they are in love. Notice I said "most" and not all. Some date ice cream and chocolate (better than beer and/or drugs!) when they are single and lonely. When they meet a man and feel love creeping up on them, they eat less and make a bigger effort to get in shape and be sexy for their new guy. If that is the only thing you find wrong with her, then give it a try. Why not help get her in shape by loads of sex and long walks, bike rides, swims, massaging eachother, etc. Don't mention her weight as that may make her rebel and she will eat more. Just do things with her. Get busy together and compliment every improvement you see. Love is really hard to find and when you do find it, don't let it slip away due to some superficial crap. Besides, my hero, Frank Zappa had a great way of looking at it: Some girls try it 'n' go on a diet. Then they worry 'cause they's too fat Who wants to ride on a ironin' board? That ain't no fun, I tried me one. THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Cindy,
Sounds harsh but "Men snuggle to fuck and women fuck to snuggle." Yes, this is a generalization, but reasonably accurate. Don't take it personally, just try to make the pre-sex snuggle last as long as possible. You could say something like, "Darling, sometimes I don't mind a quickie, but let's really savor this now." There is no point in trying to force someone to do something just for your sake. Imagine how horrible it would feel if he started snuggling after sex just to shut you up? That would be worse then no snuggle at all, no? If that's the only problem you have, consider yourself lucky.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Gassy Gail,
When can one play the fart card, good question. I suppose you have to wait until the premiere of the awkward "I love you" comes up. First get comfortable with the "love" part, then once you are both in love and have admitted you are in love verbally, you can break wind. Men think that women don't fart. They are always shocked when it happens for the first time. Pussy farts seem to go over without even an eyebrow being raised but just plain farting is for some reason a complete turn off (unless you are in West Virginia).

You could try the one cheek sneak, but never on a flat surface (this only works on a pillow or soft fluffy sofa). Try having a radio in your bathroom (and bring it to his as well) to blast out some loud rock music (AC/DC perhaps) to play when you go to the toilet. Just let 'er rip when the music is loud and no one gets hurt (carry a small spray bottle of perfume with you or a match). Avoid carbonated drinks, Indian food and any kind of beans when you know you will see him. If it happens, just laugh about it and blame the dog/cat/hamster or him if you have to. You could always make it fun by warning him with the ever popular "pull my finger."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Ralf,
Ask her "show me five happily married couples that you (or we) know and I will think about it." I am sure she will have a hard time finding five happily married couples. I only know one -- my Dad and Step-mom -- and I know folks all over the world. If by chance she does whip out five happily married couples and is still pushing you, and you really don't want to lose her, get engaged (which can go smooth for a year or more) and see how it goes. It's not the end of the world and you can always divorce if you both feel it was a mistake (word: pre-nup). Or, tell her that marriage is an old-fashioned idea that hardly works in this day and age and 50 percent or more end in divorce. Women love to get married for security and to have a lovely party with a pretty dress and to show everyone how in love you both are. You could always just have a "we're in love" celebration with the dress and all, without the paper work and justice of the peace. Never do anything against your will though. True love is hard to find so don't count on "someone better" coming along. That is just a gamble.
- Dr. Dot

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