NY Rock: Dear Dr. Dot

Hello Dr. Dot,
I am just curious. Do women masturbate as often as men? Do you have any definitive current stats, not out-dated Kinsey report numbers. Also do women use porn to masturbate like men, and how do women get this porn? I never see them buying any when I go into the local sex video store. Men just want to know this info so that we don't feel like we are weird or anything.

P.S. I love and read your column and when I go to nyrock.com, your column is the first thing I read!

- Just Curious Carl

Dear Carl,
I believe there can never be any reliable statistics as women do these things discretely. But I can tell you, I know many women, all over the world, as I travel way too much. And us gals talk about sex, so I know first hand that women do masturbate, but not as often as men and most of them use their fingers rather than dildos, and a "fake man" (they build one out of pillows to ride on). A few, including myself, need porn to reach orgasm, as magazine images or phone sex isn't enough. Where do we buy this porn? We shop online or get a man to buy it for us. Although, one summer I house-sat for my gay uncle and thought his gay porn would do the trick. Well, it didn't. So I had to find a seedy video shop and, yes, I was the only woman in there. The men all hit on me, even the owner of the shop, but I was brave, I got my toys/videos and survived. This is why you will rarely see a woman in such shops, that and the fact that women can get laid so easily, they don't need to masturbate. We can just say, "C'mere buddy, I'm horny." That has got to be the biggest benefit of owning a pussy. No matter how f-ugly the woman, she can still get laid whenever she wants.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Rita,
I may sound like a hippie when I say this, but we only live once, so get it while you can. I find it really revolting that older men – like Michael Douglas, Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Donald Trump and many other old geezers – can marry/fuck/buy women half their age, and no one scoffs at that. Rather, they get their egos stroked – "nice one!" Yet when older women like Demi Moore, Madonna, Joan Collins and Cameron Diaz marry/date younger men, they get pissed on by a shower of doubt and criticism. So you go girl. Do what you want and the next time someone hisses at you about seeing a firm young man, tell them: "You're only as young as the man you feel."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Hal,
"Third Party"? Well, you know the rule, ladies first! Invite a man into your fuck-fest, and see how your first threesome goes over. If you both like it, then maybe she will let another pussy into your bedroom.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I live next door to my ex-husband with my new husband. My ex-husband left me for my sister, so she lives next door with him. As you can imagine, the tension is high. Things started happening when my ex-husband threw a plastic bottle at my car as I left my driveway one day after an argument with him. My ex gets in contact with me regularly regarding our kids, and to complain about my new husband (that he is too loud as he is reshaping our yard with loud tools). There have been so many fights that it has almost ended in violence on several occasions. I am stuck in the middle of all this testosterone. I love my new husband dearly and don't want him to get into trouble, but my ex-husband threw the first stone. My new husband wants to go around with the baseball bat and kill him. What should I do to control this situation?
- Stuck in the Middle of Suburbia HELL

Dear SS,
If you just met him, haven't even fucked yet, and he is already trying to drag other bodies into your bed, it's not a good sign. Everyone has sexual fantasies, but they usually wait to verbalize them after things start to get too familiar and stale. It doesn't mean he will cheat. It just means he is very direct, impatient and doesn't give a shit if you like the idea or not. Serious relationship? He doesn't sound serious to me at all and "handsome" is never enough. He has to be kind and care about your feelings. If this is his way of courting, tell him to fuck off.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I'm in a bit of a situation that's turning me more gray headed then usual. I can't seem to decide on the best route to take here. I moved back to my home six years ago to help take care of my mother. She's 76, gave birth to me at age 40. My biological father was a married man already with family. She raised me by herself on welfare for 14 years until she remarried. I was adopted then, but never got very close to her husband (who later left her for a younger woman).

Before returning back to this Podunk hell hole I now live in, my life was much different. I had a good day job, nice apartment and car, lived alone and played in bands on weekends.

Now, it's been six years of living with my mother, because none of my family will take time to check on her, and I can't afford to put her in a home, nor do I really want to. But my personal life has taken a serious blow these last years. I can't have women sleep over under the same roof as mom. My love life has been a complete failure with the girls I've met around here. They just don't understand my situation.

My guts tell me to spread wings and fly the coop, but my heart says it would be mean. I need freakin' advice in a bad way. Some direction, motivation?
- Super Son

Dear Super,
Any woman that falls for you, will love you even more for caring about your mom. It's a VERY good sign when a man cares for his mom. In fact, if a girl wants to know how a man will treat her in the long run, she simply has to see how he treats/talks about his mother. Keep that in mind and you will see your situation as a plus, not a minus.

You can't leave your mom hanging, without her, your ass wouldn't be here. You are doing the right thing and should feel great about it. That will make you shine and, hence, attract a lovely lady. You need to sort out the sleeping-over situation. Everyone has to compromise. Your mom should understand that. In fact, she doesn't have a choice. So help your mom, but make your own rules about your love life or you simply won't have one. The girls probably understand that you take care of your mom, but get turned off by the fact you don't have the balls to insist upon sexy sleep overs. Mom is probably too deaf and blind by now to notice any romps you would have at home anyways.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Emma,
False advertising and online dating go hand in hand. People tend to exaggerate and bullshit online, so you never know, he may be shorter than he says or have a limp dick/bad breath. Don't worry so much. Just make sure you are fun and if it does come down to sex, make sure you blow him like you have diabetes and his dick has all the insulin in it that you need, as in, give it to him good. He won't even notice the extra padding.
- Dr. Dot

Dear QSS,
You should "train" yourself to eat her pussy until she cums before you even get in there, where you "accidentally" cum to fast. Make it your goal to hear her scream and moan with pleasure, then celebrate your victory by giving her a good dose of your liquid love.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Nelly,
Sounds like you are with the wrong boyfriend if two years have gone by, no orgasm and you "can't feel anything." Ask yourself these questions: Have I climaxed with other men in the past? And can I make myself cum? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, the problem could be he isn't doing you correctly. You need to speak up and show him exactly how to make you cum. If the answer to these questions is no, then you need to spend more quality time alone, working on how to trip your own trigger. Then once you learn that, integrate it into your sex life, making sure you show him everything. This numb feeling and the fact you can't feel anything could mean he is too boring and/or small for your snatch to be shagging him. "I've gotta spot that get's me hot, and you ain't been to it."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
Prior to me, my ex-girlfriend dated guys with bigger penises than mine. She always told me mine was tiny just to tease me, and when I broke up with her she told everyone I had a small one. My friends never stopped picking on me for three years. I know mine is a little over five inches and that should be around average, but being told you have a small penis for three years subconsciously makes me fear it is, even if it isn't. Now, I have a new girlfriend, I really love her and she loves me, and I can't describe how compatible we are on a sexual and sensual level when we're kissing, but I just found out that her ex and first boyfriend had a nine-inch penis (despite knowing you should never ask about exes).

We haven't had sex yet, but we're both nearing the point where we want to. Will my five-inch dick satisfy my girlfriend, even if the guy before me had a long willy? Does the vagina get bigger after a big one? She also told me that she and her ex never finished actual intercourse, despite trying many times, because it was painful for her. I understand that this may just be my ego talking, because it might be big-mouthed ex-girlfriend all over again. Despite this, I really want to give my woman the best mind-blowing sex ever. I bet I can give her a rocking time with foreplay or going down on her, because kissing for the two of us is amazing and only fuels our passion more... But I just want to know if I can still pleasure her in actual intercourse. And I can't go down on her because she thinks it's disgusting. So all I can do is foreplay, play with her down there, and intercourse.
- Anonymous

Dear Anon,
Telling a new boyfriend about her ex's big cock is just as mean as you telling your new girlfriends that your ex was a rich model. It's just plain evil. You should stop them in their tracks when they do this and tell them "Uh, that's too much information, darling," or "That's so funny you say that as my last girlfriend's pussy was MUCH tighter than yours."

You have to convince her to let you lick her pussy. This will be your golden ticket to winning her over for good. Massage her feet for over 20 minutes, while she sips some gorgeous red wine. Lick and massage her calves, thighs. She may not notice when you start to lick her clit, nice and slow, like cow with a big tongue. You simply have to convince her to let you try. Don't worry about your cock size. As long as it stays hard and you make her cum, that's all you need. You should be happy you got rid of that mean HOLE who made fun of your penis size.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I've been seeing this girl for a while now. We met, started kissing... later on sex... you know the score. Took our time, etc. Now when she first started blowing me she did not swallow. I didn't mind cause cum don't taste that good to me. Now we have been together for three months, she has started to hold my balls look me in the eyes and swallow. It makes me feel great. I feel in love with her within weeks. I was not sure how she felt about me. I guess what I am trying to ask is does the fact that she has started to swallow (and give other extras in bed) point to the fact she is really falling for me. A friend (a girl) told me most girls only swallow for guys they REALLY like.
- Spunky Steve

Dear Spunky,
Woah: "Cum don't taste that good to me." Bravo for admitting you taste your own spunk. Takes a real man to do that. Well, I'm guessing it's your own spunk you are talking about (?). Anyways, YES! it means she digs you now. She accepts you and every drop of you. Now don't fuck it up by asking her, "Do you love me?" Just enjoy!
- Dr. Dot

Dear LL,
You could be jumping to conclusions. Some men lose their erections when they are stressed out from work, relatives and/or financial worries. Some find it hard to even fuck when they know kids are within ear shot. One day while driving or taking a walk, ask him if he is happy with your sex life. It's best to ask this outside of the bedroom as direct eye contact is sometimes too intense, like when you stare a dog in the eyes too long, they get uncomfortable and often get angry due to fear and pressure. If he says he is content, just leave it be. Tell him whether you are satisfied, and if not, what he could do to make things better.

If you think your pussy is too loose after two kids, you could get vaginoplasty, a procedure in which the doctor sews your snatch up a bit, makes it tighter, like a virgin again. Downside is you can't have sex for 6 to 8 weeks, but you can still give your man oral to keep him happy. But in the end, altering your body in anyway should be for your own happiness and comfort, not for anyone else.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, living together for one of those years. Although we love each other, we are talking about splitting up. The problem is that we each don't get something we greatly desire out of the relationship: I want a more sociable companion and he wants a woman who genuinely enjoys a dick stuffed far into her throat, and fingers or cock in her ass. He's never going to be more sociable, and I will tolerate his preferences in bed but not welcome them. Although we're both in our thirties, neither of us is mature enough to know if this is stuff worth breaking up over. We both feel like we might be missing out on meeting someone who satiates these desires (but we both recognize how rare it is to find someone whom you get along with on many other levels). What do you think?
- Tightass

Dear Tight,
I hate having things shoved in my ass: fingers, cocks, toys, etc. Some men like the ass play because it's so dirty and taboo. Others love to stick things in women's asses, or to brutally cram their cocks too far down women's throats to dominate them. (They associate pain with power and love). If they know you hate it and know it is painful for you, yet they keep trying, it means they don't fucking care how you feel and love to be the boss. Probably an inferiority complex they picked up along the way in childhood. Boo fucking hoo.

He is obviously the boss, as he won't budge. You compromise by letting him penetrate your sacred ass as you know he likes it. Yet he won't socialize? Sounds like bullshit to me. If you feel the need to stay with him, as you fear someone better may not come along, then stay with him, but tell him your ass is off limits from now on. Tell him it was bleeding the other day when he went to work and you went to the doctor and he warned you not to do it anymore. Or tell him it gives you diarrhea. Nobody argues/questions diarrhea. It's like a trump card. Or if you have the balls, just say you are fucking tired of the ass play. EXIT ONLY.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Everything has been wonderful. He is really romantic, generous and we have starting having sex and it is good! Now last time we were alone at his house, we were playing around in his bathroom, and he said he wanted to watch me shit. I let him watch; it felt really weird. In bed that night he told me next time he wants to put glass over the bath with him lying under it and watch me shit onto it. I really like him, but I am not sure about where this will lead. I don't want to spend the rest of my days shitting on glass. Is this just a one-off thing or a phase? Help! I want my man, but also want him to be at least kind of normal.
- Shit Scared Sarah

Dear Triple-S,
I am certainly not a SHIT expert and I'm wondering if your boyfriend is German. I heard this trend started in Hamburg in the 60s. I think it's disgusting, but if you don't mind and it makes him happy, go for it. You can't ask him to be "kind of normal," as he is obviously a freak. That used to be one of the things that proved we were a few steps ahead of apes. So maybe he is just REALLY old fashioned. I wonder who gets the shitty job of cleaning up this mess after the "fun" is over. The things we do for love.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Missing,
This is a popular dilemma, and I think it has to do with eye contact. Some men have to think really dirty thoughts in order to get them to shoot their load and sometimes face-to-face is so intense, it makes them lose their cum concentration. If you look him in the eyes when you blow him, and he cums, then it's not the eye contact that turns him off of the missionary position. It could just mean your pussy feels better to him from behind and/or he adores looking at your ass, prefers doggy style and head. It's no big whoop, don't take it personal. Use actions, not words, guide his body on top of yours and then whisper "fuck me like this for a while." Analyzing every little thing your man does will destroy any passion you two have going on.
- Dr. Dot